Photo courtesy of makelessnoise on Flickr

The other night, as we were settling into bed, we turned out the light.  Just then, we noticed a faint glow coming from downstairs.  We had left a light on, and one of us would have to leave the warmth of bed to trudge back downstairs and turn it off.

It’s so easy to overlook one small light when all the other lights in the house are bright.  Our lives are like that, too.

If we’re ever going to see the light, we need to turn on the dark.

“Light pollution” is a phenomenon that keeps us from seeing the beauty of the heavens.  With so many artificial lights in the city, we must escape far into to the country to marvel at the sheer number of stars.

Now, I’m no astronomer, but I can tell you with confidence that the stars are always there, glowing brightly all the time.  It’s just that we can’t see them when the sky is so cluttered with light.

In the same way, our homes and our hearts get cluttered with stuff.  The important things in life are the bright stars that get drowned out by artificial bulbs.  If we are to see them, we need to shut out the things that get in the way.

If you have life pollution in your home….

Take it one room at a time.  Identify two or three things that are most important in that room – the message board where your family communicates, the table you gather around, the chair by your bed where you love to curl up and read – and rearrange if needed to make them the focal point.

Then, clear out anything that might get in the way of making the most of those items.  Move the toys that make it hard to reach the message board.  Find a new place for the mail that accumulates on the dinner table.  Put away the laundry that prevents you from sitting in that chair.

Take things even further by doing a sweep of that room and removing anything else that doesn’t have a useful purpose.  (NOTE:  Something that makes you smile because of the beauty it brings is definitely useful!)

If you have life pollution in your heart….

You need to head out to the country – figuratively speaking.  (Unless, of course, the country is where you go to reflect).  Plan some time – a full day if possible – to unplug from the daily distractions of your world.  That means physically removing yourself so you can be mentally and spiritually refreshed.

Spend time reflecting on the most important “accounts” in your life.  Are you even clear on what those are?  I highly recommend taking the time to create a Life Plan.  The company I work for, Building Champions, has a great template.  The tool is simple but the work is difficult – and so rewarding in the end.

If you don’t take some time out to see what is truly important, then the untended stars of your life may eventually burn out.

Learn to embrace the darkness, so you can let those stars shine!

I glanced over to see him standing in the closet, holding up the two severed halves, a look of bewilderment on his face.  It had been wearing down for a while, but I guess I didn’t realize how desperate the situation had become.

The pants he was wearing wouldn’t stay up properly without a belt, and so one needed to be procured – ideally, in time for his client meeting.

We had already planned on checking out a church rummage sale that morning, and so I expressed the hope that we would find one at the sale.  This, to Steve, sounded like wishful thinking.

“Well,” I said, “if we don’t find one at the rummage sale, maybe you can swing by Goodwill or Value Village before your meeting.”

He replied, “Oh, I just figured I would run in TJ Maxx.”

AAAAAAGGHHH!!!!  NOOOO!!!!

I sternly reminded him of our commitment to “Nothing New.”  However, I saw his point.  Sometimes, when you need something specific and you need it fast, the idea of wandering from thrift shop to thrift shop doesn’t seem very practical.

In these situations, what do you do?

1.  First of all, consider whether it is a true need. I know I have a tendency to get my heart set on doing something a certain way, and turn a “wouldn’t that be nice?” into a “definitely must have.” However, the lack of a black belt would render many of Steve’s pants unwearable, so in this case “need” seemed appropriate.

2.  Next, consider whether it is truly urgent. Could you make do without it for a little while?  For example, could you change into different pants or just wear the brown belt for today?

3.  Ask yourself whether you might be able to borrow it. Do you have a friend or family member you can call for a favor?  Maybe your father-in-law has a black belt you could borrow on your way to the appointment.

4.  Can you at least make an effort to procure it second-hand? For example, you might promise yourself you will at least stop in Goodwill and spend 10 minutes looking before giving in and going to TJ Maxx.

If you genuinely need it, it honestly can’t wait, it can’t be borrowed, and you just can’t find it second-hand in time….well, you may have an argument for breaking the rules.

Fortunately for us, I dug up a serviceable black belt at that rummage sale for only a dollar.  Steve admitted he would have preferred one that was a little wider, but it did the job of keeping his pants from falling down that day.

Problem solved!

Now I have some leisure time to shop for a replacement belt that he’ll be happier with in the long run.  When I find it, I’ll probably sell this belt at our next garage sale.  We can get our dollar back, and maybe even help out some other poor soul in distress.

As the year continues to roll through, our family is finding frustration in this challenge.  Can we stretch the rules a bit here?  Find a little wiggle room there?  The temptation to collect is strong; so much stronger than we realize.  And yet, at the very same time, on so many days, I just want to sell it all.  Everything.  Living only with the mere essentials, life would be lighter.  Easier.  Right?  In some ways, yes.  But honestly, I enjoy many things that bring simple joy.  Yet, Nothing New confronts me daily and asks, “Do you really love this?  Is it worth the real estate in your living space?  Does it bring happiness?”  As I type, my husband asks,  ”How can people love a lamp or pillow?  That’s just stupid!”  Yes, so many commercials tell us that we should love our stuff.  I’m sure that I’ve loved a pillow somewhere in my life.  Love may be too strong of a word for something that can’t love you back.  Just a thought.

A few weeks back, we picked up a highchair from Craigslist.  It seemed perfect.  In great condition and what we had been looking for.  The seller “hoped that it would go to a good family.”  We’re a good family!  We’ll take care of your beloved chair.  In the pictures, it looked really good.  Almost as if the sun was shining in saying, “Buy me, I’m a really good deal!”  Being the first in line, with cash in hand, I hurried to pick up the chair that would play a part in our making memories of Emma’s first solid food experience.  I was excited.  Nervous with anticipation.  Would it be what I was expecting?

When I got to the home, I was overwhelmed by the warmth of the family.  I seriously considered asking if we could be friends.  Weird, yes.  :)  Shortly after arrival, I learned that there were many emails and phone calls behind me.  The adreline begins.  I must have this chair!  It really is a great deal if so many others are in line to grab it!  After taking a quick look, in a room that lay dim, I handed the cash over.  Never even thought about asking for a lower price.  It was mine!  I scored the deal of the day.

As I lugged the chair out to the car (it was heavier than it looked!), the sun poured down on my “newest” find.  Yet, I was sorely disappointed to discover that the “in great condition” listing was not so great looking in the light.  The seat was well worn, peeling in many places.  And the tray.  Well, it definitely knew a better day.  Did they let their kids take a chainsaw to the plastic?  I stood there in the driveway for what seemed like forever thinking, “What do I do?  Ask for my money back?  Can I return this?  It really is much bigger than I thought it would be.”  So, there I was.  Stuck with a chair I didn’t want.  Disappointed that I just got ripped off.  From the nicest family.  Frown.

So, buyer beware.  Though I make it sound so much worse than it really is (Emma is eating just fine from it, and doesn’t know the leather under her bum is peeling away) I was sour about the experience.  Looking back, I wish I would have looked more closely and considered whether or not I really wanted to take it home.  Yet, when the blood gets pumping in response to other thirsty buyers, I lost ability to think clearly.  I got smudgy eyes.  If others wanted it, surely it must be mine.

Why do I write about a silly old chair?  Because it shows how crazy we can get over stuff.  Even stuff that is used.  Though it is something that we really “needed”, I should have taken more care in choosing one I really liked.  I so often leave patience behind when “competition” and frenzy appear.

What are your experiences with Craigslist?  Free-cycle?  Garage sales?  How have you found ways to walk away from an item that didn’t meet your expectations?  Have you ever requested a return?

There’s room in the house that might have otherwise been taken up by more toys.  Valuable real estate in the closet I would have filled with new clothes.  And, most importantly, time I might have spent shopping for more stuff.

Unfortunately, we must all face the scientific truth that “nature abhors a vacuum.”  When you create a space, it wants to get refilled.  In fact, it’s nearly impossible to stop this from happening.

Fortunately, I can choose how to refill that space.

It would be easy to fill it with different stuff.  A free chair from Craigslist, just because it’s free.  A bag of plastic garage sale toys, just because they were cheap.

Believe me, in the 2 1/2 months since we began this challenge, I have been guilty of this very problem.  I have filled the newfound gaps with stuff I didn’t need.

Freecycle, Goodwill, Craigslist, garage sales…..I am big proponents of these venues, but they have their time and place.  Even if something is free, it still needs to go through the same filter I would use for an expensive purchase.

The Filter for Purchases:
1. Can I borrow it instead?
2. Can I buy it second-hand?
3. Do I really need it?
4. Where will it go?

Instead, I want to fill my life with more experiences.  Memories I create with my family that have nothing to do with stuff.

Some of the time will be filled creating, mending, refinishing…giving old things new life.  Some of the real estate will be yielded to these “new” old treasures.

I want to chose intentionally the kinds of activities and things that will enrich my life, not just fill it up until it’s ready to burst.  I’d rather fill my heart.

I want these things, and yet I so often miss the mark.  I’d love your thoughts on this subject!

How do you fill the empty space?

Every year, I make sure to wear green, and my outfit is not complete without my little shamrock pin, a gift from Grandma Jo. I honestly don’t remember when she gave it to me, but every year when I pin it to my shirt, I think about her.

It’s a cute, goofy little pin, and it’s not my usual style. But I know I could never get rid of it.

What is it that makes something sentimental? Why is it that, of all our possessions, there are a few that we hold onto not because of their intrinsic value, but because of the memories they evoke?

I’ve been guilty at times of being a little too nostalgic about my stuff. If you try hard enough, you can tie some kind of memory to just about everything you own. But of course, when everything is special, then nothing is special.

I have started to think about which toys Henry might fondly remember when he gets older. The reality is that, when there are too many toys to choose from, it’s hard for one to stand out. I’ve already seen how quickly he can lose interest in one toy and move on to another.

Grown-ups are like that, too. The “have-to-haves” of today may be barely looked at by next week. New clothes, new curtains, even a new car….they all lose their luster in time.

In this process of “Nothing New,” we have been a lot more selective about what we choose to bring into our home. But it’s hard to predict which things have the potential to build the strongest memories in the future.

There is one thing I do know: when we surround ourselves with less “stuff,” we are much more likely to notice and appreciate the things we have.

What items have you kept because they are sentimental to you? How do you decide?

Hello, little peanut!

The “Nothing New” challenge is about to have an interesting new twist for our family.

Sometime around the first of October, we will be welcoming something very new into our home…a precious new life!

That’s right:  I’m pregnant.

This year we will become a family of four.  Henry will become a big brother.  I will experience the joy of motherhood doubled.

This news was not wholly unexpected, it’s just that it happened so fast!  And I don’t believe we completely thought through the implications of preparing for a new baby in light of buying nothing new.  But here we are, and I am excited for the challenge!

Fortunately, we have a huge head start.  Since this is our second child, we already have most everything we need.  There will be a few items to stock up on, like diapers (both cloth and disposable).  We’ll want a double stroller.  The list is already forming in my head, but it’s a blessedly short one.

There are also a few essential items we borrowed the first time around that we might not be able to borrow again…..primarily because my brother and sis-in-law are expecting a little girl just two months earlier!

This is how we told Daddy

From a second-hand perspective, the timing of this pregnancy couldn’t be more perfect.  I’ll be cruising garage sales all summer to fill in the gaps with the few items that we need and want.  And of course, if it turns out we are having a girl, then bring on the pink!

(Even if not, I doubt I’ll be able to resist picking up a few flowery pink things for my sweet little niece.)

I look forward to sharing with you the challenges, joys, and lessons learned as we prepared to welcome our baby…with nothing new!

Did you prepare for your little one using any of the Nothing New rules?  Do you have any great tips to share at this early stage?

The art of love… is largely the art of persistence. ~Albert Ellis

Is it possible to fail at love? After day 23, I feel like I gave up on our 28 Days of Free Love challenge. Maybe I just got tired. Maybe I just felt like my way of showing love was not enough. Before the month of February began, I made a list of all the things I wanted to do. Writing letters of reconciliation, meeting a new neighbor, helping a stranger, hosting a dinner party, calling long lost girlfriends, standing in the middle of a shopping mall offering free hugs. Sounds like great ways to spread some love! Did I do any of these? Does the thought count?

What I did do is…love my family. Taking time to be with them and slowing down to listen to Emma’s laugh was especially sweet. Prior to having a baby, our cats were our babies. They were quite spoiled. I made them feel spoiled again this last month. After all, isn’t it attention we all desire most? To be heard and seen. To be noticed and affirmed.

My sister-in-law flew out from Colorado to spend some time with Emma (and Jeremy and I of course!). It was especially special for me, as it gave us space to connect more deeply. I loved this girl before she came, and I loved her even more when she left. Sharing life together is where I find love most.

So, as March marches on, I will stay persistent in my pursuit to love. Will it be perfect? Extravagant? Earth-shattering? Probably not. But, I think that’s the point. Love is often most powerful when it is unplanned. When little moments become unique opportunities to express what money can’t buy. That’s real love.

Without further ado, here’s how I finished out my 28 Days!

DAY 23 (WEDNESDAY): My grandfather remarried late in life, to a gracious lady named Sue.  Some time after he passed away, she was married again – to the grandfather of one of my best friends!  I’m not sure exactly what label to put on our relationship, but I am sure that Sue is family.  She lives in Sacramento, and as life marches on, I’ve been terrible about keeping in touch.  So I called her to share some news, and we had a chance to catch up.  I’m so glad I called.

DAY 24 (THURSDAY): Snow love!!!  We awoke to fluffy flakes and a couple of inches of white stuff on the ground.  Work was put on hold for a few hours so we could enjoy the excitement of a rare snow day!  This was Henry’s first real snow experience – we took him to the mountain on New Year’s Eve but it was kind of a disaster.  This was much more fun!  Seeing his wonder as he investigated this new amusement was truly priceless.

DAY 25 (FRIDAY): Busy schedules had gotten Steve and I a little out of sync.  This evening was simply about connecting.  Nothing extravagant, just time together after Steve got home from work.

DAY 26 (SATURDAY): On this day we originally intended something big – a garage sale to raise money for some wonderful friends, Rob and Cherie, who are going on a mission trip to El Salvador.  But with uncertain weather conditions, we made the decision to postpone it to March 12th.  A while ago, Cherie had given me three big bags full of rubber stamps.  I knew I wouldn’t be able to make use of them all myself, so I went through the bags and pulled out the ones I thought I would use.  The rest are now in the garage sale pile, poised to raise some bucks for their trip!

DAY 27 (SUNDAY): Recent illness and other conflicts had kept me away from church for too long.  I was craving some worship time.  I dropped Henry off at the nursery and spent uninterrupted time giving love to my Creator.  He is the one who teaches us how to love freely.

Rachel

DAY 28 (MONDAY): I finished off the month by completing a long overdue project.  There are some particular friends of ours who have been a tremendous help to us along the way, sharing their resources as we prepared for and adjusted to parenthood.  To thank them, I made sets of personalized notecards for each of the three kids, and a larger set personalize for the family.  I sent these, along with a note of thanks, all the way to their home in Arkansas.  A few days later, I had the wonderful surprise of seeing these pictures of the kids on Facebook.  Showing gratitude is its own reward, but being thanked in this way was really special!

Sarah

Jasper

Thanks for everything, Traftons!

Looking back on the past 28 days, there were some really wonderful and memorable results.  Still, I feel like there were so many ways I could have shown love that remained untapped.   There were ideas I had when I began this project that I didn’t quite get around to.

The beautiful thing is, I still have time.  I don’t need a special blogging project to creatively express love for others.  It can happen every day.

Here’s to little acts of love.

Did you discover any creative ways to show Free Love this month?  How will you spread the love going forward?

So, with all the “excitement”, I neglected to update my free love status. I do have to admit that my ideas were far more adventurous when the month began. As each day passes, I find myself asking, “Does that really qualify as love? Was I daring enough? Creative enough?” Yet, isn’t it the people around us that we have the most impact on? Small, simple gestures can often mean the world to a loved one just trying to survive the daily grind.

So, here’s where I shined some free love (meaning, no expectations were attached):

Day 11: Good girlfriends are hard to come by. I gave one of my best girls a call today to let her know how much I appreciate and love her. Though our conversation didn’t last long, it was a sweet “interruption” in our day.

Day 12: Before Emma, I worked at the local YMCA one day a week. I recently picked up a few shifts each month again, and so spent this day surrounded by members and people interested in the facility. When I woke up in the morning, I decided that I would make a decent effort to be truly present with every person I met. Making eye contact, nodding my head, showing interest in what they had to say, asking questions, showing concern, happiness. These were all ways that I gave today. It’s amazing how incredible this feels, and how utterly draining this can be at the same time. Being present to people requires an intentional slowing down of the frenzied mind.

Day 13: Living far from family, we try to make Skype dates from time to time. As Emma has entered our family, it feels especially important to “share” her growth with the grandparents. Though technology can never bridge personal touch, it does offer an exciting avenue for connection when distance is a reality.

Day 14: Valentine’s Day! I had the opportunity to spend a few hours in the afternoon with a girlfriend. As Emma napped for two hours (!) , we enjoyed conversation and tea. It was a sweet way to spend the afternoon. Then Jeremy and I cooked a delicious, mouth watering, savory lobster, crab, salmon, pizza for dinner. Fancy? Not in the least. But time together, fantastic! Even if the food didn’t meet the “candlelight” criterion.

Day 15: It was Emma’s 6-mth check-up and she asked if we could make a card for Dr. Cannon. It was fun to do a little photo session and then have Jeremy get creative on Photoshop. I think Dr. Cannon was excited to receive the following message: “Dear Dr. Sara, I love you so much. You are the bestest doctor in the whole wided world. Thank you for taking care of me so welled. I hope you have a very nice day. I was nice because I took three whole naps for mommy on Valentine’s day. I love you, Emma Grace.”

Day 16: To be honest, I don’t remember. Not sure I did anything intentional? By this point in the week, I felt exhausted. After putting Emma down for bedtime, I spent time on the couch and had a date with the television. If that doesn’t count, then I guess I  am now in the “27 Days of Free Love” challenge.

Day 17: As I got in the car to drive to school, I cranked up the heater to regain warmth in my hands. It was frigid out today! Not far from our home, I noticed an elderly lady standing in the median of the highway. Something looked strangely out of place. Was it the fact that she was standing so close to the road, hunched over, barely able to balance her stance? Or, the sheer fact that she was shivering in the freezing cold wearing a blouse and boxer shorts? As I drove by, my heart melted for this poor lady. She was obviously not supposed to be there. I spent the next several seconds thinking about what I could do. Who did she belong to? Can I turn around and pick her up? Thinking about the location, I realized that an Alzheimer’s unit was across the road. She must have “escaped” and gone unnoticed by the staff. Having worked in an assisted living community, I understood that these kinds of things happen from time to time. Not having the proper telephone number, I called Jeremy and asked if he would make a call to the local police department. And though a deputy was out within 15 minutes of the call, the elderly lady was nowhere to be found. I still find myself thinking about her today.

Day 18: For 2011, Jeremy and I have decided to read the Bible, from front to back. Though we’ve missed a few days here and there, we usually keep to our nightly date after Emma has gone down for bed. Today I slipped a card in the place we last left off. “Every day, I choose you.”

Day 19 & 20: As a first time mom experiencing a baby with the flu, my priority was to be with her. We spent time doing absolutely nothing. It was well worth it!

Day 21: Can I plagiarize Jessica’s post?  :)  I went over to her house, where she “fixed some special tea from the Lavender Tea house, a wonderful local spot and favorite of ours. We had a great heart-to-heart. There are few things that make a person feel loved more than knowing someone is giving up their time to sit and look you in the eye and listen to what you have to say. I think it’s safe to say we both gave and received a lot of love that afternoon. “ I couldn’t have said it better myself!

Day 22: Jeremy was out of town for an overnight business trip, so I gave my homework some loving! Catching up on reading was important, so I spent some good time conversing with past and present authors.

Day 23: Letter writing, for me, is one of the best ways to show love. It expresses to another that you’ve taken time to think about them in this special way. Who has time anymore to sit and handwrite a note? Unfortunately, I fear that it will soon be a lost art. Yet, it’s where I love to be creative. Jessica really instilled this value in my heart many years back! Emma and I wrote another card to a family member. I won’t divulge any details quite yet, as the letter is still floating somewhere between Oregon and Hawaii.

Whew! If you are still reading this, thanks for helping me reminisce over the last few weeks of offering free love. Again, though these acts are nothing earth shattering, I’m discovering that real love rarely ever is. It takes work, time, and effort to make room for intentional living. Instead of being caught in the narrow-mindedness of my own life, free love has encouraged me to open my eyes to the abundant opportunities lying so close.

How has free love changed you today?  Instead of buying something new, might you offer your time or talent instead?

In some ways, it’s harder to make time to show love when you’re already feeling stretched thin.  But at times, the love just comes pouring out anyway.

Here’s what I did this past week!

DAY 15 (TUESDAY): Love was in the air as Steve and I celebrated Valentine’s Day together.  My mom watched Henry so we could have an evening out.  We made the most of some gift cards we had for a practically free date night.  Dinner at PF Chang’s was a treat, with no food being thrown on the floor.  We were able to savor our meal without any distractions or tantrums.  Then we saw True Grit, which we both thought was really fantastic.  A splendid grown-up evening which we both really needed!

DAY 16 (WEDNESDAY): A couple of my friends recently started a Book Club, and invited me to join.  I didn’t know anyone else besides them, but it was apparent from our first meeting last month that we were all going to have a LOT of fun together!  We decided to alternate discussing a book one month, and doing something social the next.  Wednesday night was our first social evening, and we decided to have a potluck and make margaritas.  I decided to do something a little special, so I decorated my Valentine’s sugar cookies with the names of each of the girls in the group.  They were a big hit!

DAY 17 (THURSDAY): A very dear friend of mine in North Carolina recently told me she is pregnant with their first child.  I’m SO excited for her!!!  I’ve been wanting to do something special for her, so I put together a little care package with a few outfits that had been Henry’s and an extra Kiddopotamus SwaddleMe blanket (which cannot recommend highly enough).  I packaged them up with a little note of congratulations.  It was fun to go through those old infant things, and this meaningful gift cost only the shipping.

DAY 18 (FRIDAY): Henry started the day (really, the week) acting more cranky than usual.  Finally after his nap, I noticed he felt warm so I checked his temperature.  It was 102.4.  My poor little guy!  I spent the rest of the day just loving on him and taking care of him (and also rocking him each of the four times he woke during the night).  That was my love for the day.  It made me realize that one of a mother’s most important jobs is taking good care of her kids when they are sick.

DAY 19 (SATURDAY): Go Ducks!  My brother and I teamed up on my Dad’s birthday gift this year, giving him the experience of a Ducks basketball game at the shiny new Matthew Knight Arena.  We grabbed lunch before the game at the Steelhead Brewery in Eugene.  We were having such a good time we almost missed the tipoff!  The Ducks beat the Beavers…what’s better than that?  ….well, perhaps the memories we created together are a close second.  Now we’ll be able to tell our grandchildren that we were there at Matt Court in its inaugural season.

DAY 20 (SUNDAY): Another rough day for Henry – his fever subsided but he seemed to be in pain every time he swallowed anything.  But I did manage to do one other little act of love.  We had talked about going to the Children’s Museum with Steve’s brother and sister-in-law who live in Salem and have a little boy about a year older than Henry.  But we never made any plans.  So I sent a message to Brenda suggesting some dates so we can actually put this idea in practice.  We don’t see enough of them and look forward to a chance for the boys to play together.

DAY 21 (MONDAY): Henry woke up clearly feeling so much better – he was as chipper as I’ve ever seen him in the morning.  We were all so relieved that our whole house was in a great mood!  I talked to Laura and heard Emma was also feeling better, so we were able to keep our plans to get together during afternoon naptime.  She came over and I fixed some special tea from the Lavender Tea House – a simply wonderful local spot and favorite of ours.  We had a great heart-to-heart.  There are few things that make a person feel loved more than knowing someone is giving up their time to sit and look you in the eye and listen to what you have to say.  I think it’s safe to say we both gave and received a lot of love that afternoon.

DAY 22 (TUESDAY): This past year, our Christmas gift to my parents was one of those gifts that “keeps on giving.”  We committed to have them over for dinner once a month.  I even made a special calendar (with pictures of Henry) as a reminder to get these dates scheduled.  My mom especially loves it because she doesn’t have to cook or clean up!  And it turns out to be a great time of connection for all of us.  We made baked potatoes and homemade chocolate chip cookies for dessert.  In a surprise move, my Dad agreed to watch Glee, and we were all very entertained by his reaction.  Another great family memory.

One more week to go!  Laura promises she will be getting caught up on her update soon.  :-)

What did you do to show Free Love this week?  Have you had any challenges or roadblocks?